AS of 2 AM 20 August, I now prefer the most “objective” version of all
The critic's glass house all lit up in the small hours the kitty's playtime
“Critic” draws more context from “glass house” including the maxim “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” which is what the proverbial critic within is likely to do. I like the brittle play of sound between “critic” and “kitty.”
My teacher's glass house all lit up in the wee hours the kitty's playtime
A little change in the text — from “cabin” to “glass house” — kept me awake early this morning. It strengthens the primary image, suggests “transparency” for the “teacher” — ingenuous openness as the core of the teacher?
And sharpens the descent to the “end” of the haiku — providing the little comic kick, the instant reframing of the image that creates the energy (synergy?) of the haiku image. A little shock of sudden awareness of otherness. That kitty teaches the teacher!
Notes 5 Aug: Words: mentor, small hours . . . .